There’s this depth of loneliness that has me feeling like I’m drowing in a pool of sorrow as I navigate parenting challenges that seem surreal. These days are seldom, but its intensity is long lasting.
Like today, seeking refuge and comfort in a salty ocean breeze. A space where the wind could dry my tears and carry away my fears. Emotional, faced with overcrowded beach parking lots and paid entry points – my comfort escaped me as I aimlessly drove around. Blinking away my tears.
Instead I went back home and found refuge in the study while listening to music. Shutting out my child’s defiance and willfulness. Overwhelmed. Feeling inadequate and alone.
There is no right way to parent. It’s not a one-size-fit-all approach, rather it is an ever-changing landscape where I navigate an indigenous environment, unique to me. Instead, I adapt and become robust in my fragility and learn to live with my vulnerability.
In these moments I embrace my emotions while I wait for joy to light my way. My son.