The 0521 was meant to arrive at 17:10, but here he was, still waiting at 17:35. A station packed liked sardines on a hot summer’s day. No announcements. Anger rising as the chanting from further down echoed the too familiar sounds of a riot about to happen.
He could see the trains, all waiting about 30 meters outside Central station. Waiting . . .
“Fuck this! I’m getting in the train”
Jumping onto the railway tracks, off he ran towards the 0521, stationary, waiting for the signal – the go-ahead to pull into platform 3. A smart move thought the other passengers as they watched Jack, in the distance as got on the train, pulling himself up between two carriages.
Security in sight, motionless observing the masses as more people followed suit, running towards the 0521. Boarding the train before it pulled into the station, avoiding the overcrowded platform and the all too usual violent pushing as passengers compete to be the FIRST to embark a carriage. Desperate for a seat in the hope to avoid the invasion of personal space as strangers pushed up against each other, confined in the bubble of foul breath and pungent odours.
But here was Jack, 16 years old, very late to get home – stuck on an overcrowded train, thanks to detention for smoking on school grounds.
17:50 – stuck between carriages as the train finally leaves Central station, thinking that he would avoid the crowds, not realising that exiting between train carriages was the norm for the majority of passengers on crowded evenings.
The vibration in his pants pocket startled him as the train pulled into Highway station twenty minutes later.
“Hi mom. Yes. No. The trains were late. Yes, thanks. B – HEY YOUR &%$^ THAT’s MY PHONE!!!”
Jack’s conversation with his mother cut short as a hand swiftly grabbed his phone as the train moved off. His iPhone 5, gone!
Fellow commuters unaware of what just happened. Jack, silent, staring in disbelief at the many passengers inside the carriage. For the first time he truly understood the reality of public transport and the constant warning to passengers – “keep valuables out of sight”. Yet he looked on into a carriage where every other person typed away on their mobile devices, listened to music, taking calls, oblivious . . .
18:30 – thankful that his mother confirmed that she would meet him outside Seaview station, seconds before his phone was stolen. One of the busiest stations on the “sardine-line” as it was commonly referred to by daily commuters. Somewhere in the distance he could hear the thumping sound of someone’s radio.
The train still filled to capacity – Jack remained in his spot, as he watched a man squeeze his way through the carriage, his mouth moving, eyes wild, his body twitching. Turning his back on the door, hoping that the man would not exit the train between carriages, Jack crouched down below the window level, hoping that he’d be invisible to those inside the carriage.
Silence . . .
Screams . . .
Chaos. Feet. Heels. Bodies.
Glass shattering. Screams. Cries. Chaos.
The train stopped as it reached Jack’s destination. Seaview station. His vision blurred. Slumped between carriages. Unaware. Unconscious.
In and out of consciousness, in a pool of blood.
“I NEED A MEDIC OVER HERE!! HURRY! I have a pulse! Teenager. Bullet wounds. Chest. Thigh. Hurry!” echoed the voice over the two-way radio as Jack’s mother’s phone dropped to the ground as she frantically tried to force her way pass security . . .
Chapter 2 . . . to be continued by Nicole, Raising K Squared at 1pm on 24th April 2018.
“The Last Boy on the Train” – started as a title challenge from Two Dads and a Kid for publication on 16th August 2017 at 15:30. This story resulted in me being recognised as Best Writer 2017 in the SA Mommy Blogger Awards on 13th April 2018.
With renewed interest in the story, here I am on a Thursday evening, 19 April 2018, challenging Nicole, who blogs over at Raising K Squared, to continue the story after she messaged me, “please tell me there is a part 2”. Nicole, thank you for accepting my challenge, this is an exciting new development and I can’t wait to see where your creativity takes you.
The message? You never know where the creative stories (or very personal journeys) published on your blog will take you, or your reader.
Don’t stop writing! Don’t stop reading!
9 thoughts on “The Last Boy on the Train”
Really dangerous between coaches, many have died, I know one, who is now no more, fell off while the train was going…better to wait and be late!
Never flaunt your bling either!
Yes, you are so right – I often cringe when I see how people hang between trains or jump off while the train is still moving.
I love it! Truly wish you would write more. Exactly what I had in mind when I shared the title.
Thank you hope there will be more or others !?
Thanks for the challenge. Read this to Kai and he too wants me to continue the story.
Have you thought about doing an e-book?
You have such a great gift for unfolding a story.
The thought of an e-book for my poems has crossed my mind, but not quite sure whereto from there?
Damn girl. You need to start with that novel and publish it please! Not on a blog, in a book. Shame about Jack…
Thanks Melissa, will keep you posted regarding that novel! I wonder what happened to Jack . . .