Embracing Memories

It’s been a while. I’ve been studying, struggling – executive function. This morning, going through my assignments in preparation for my media studies exam tomorrow. Listening to Coldplay to drown out the noise in my head, reading question 25.

The all the familiar intro to Miracles washed over me, that melodic sound. “Sometimes in your eyes I see the beauty in this world . . .  I blossom and die”

I close my eyes and I switch off. Embracing the experience.

These are the moments that I live for, clear memories. You carrying me in your arms, the early morning hours.  Singing as you walked us home, slightly intoxicated, another celebration with your friends. I was not yet a year old.

Memories. You going through my hair with a fine lice comb. Getting rid of the critters that invaded my head. Tears streaming down my face – I hated every bit of it. That pulling of my hair, seeing the dead louse on the white sheet as you worked your way through the infestation. Patiently. Washing my hair. I was five years old.

Your eyes, lighter in the light – a softness as you smile. That laugh, that most infectious laugh that we seldom got to hear. A laugh that filled your entire being as the lines around your eyes lit up.

I close my eyes and I switch off. Embracing the experience of your life and my memories in your death.

My dad was diagnosed, unexpectedly, with stage 4 pancreatic cancer on 16th May 2017. He died 12 days later, there was no battle, only dignified acceptance.

07/07/1960 – 28/05/2017

I Saw You In His Pain

Killing The Pain

A Final Lesson From My Dad

Keeping It Real Dad

Finding My Voice, A Father’s Love

No Healing. Only Acceptance

Dad, Higher Ground . . .

12 Day Later . . .  Pancreatic Cancer

I Blossom and Die

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