I’ve come to realise that when it comes to death, there is no healing. Only acceptance.
How can you be expected to heal from the death of another person? It’s been two months since my father died and I do not feel broken. I do not feel in need of healing.
Perhaps, there is no healing required when you know that the void that is left when someone dies, is one that can never be filled or fixed – never be healed. Instead, you learn – for some through time – to accept that death is not the end. Life continues.
Perhaps, the experience of loss is more “traumatic” when there’s been speak of hope, and the many references to those who have survived a terminal diagnoses. Maybe then the healing is part of the process of acceptance after that hope has been taken away, permanently; for when that HOPE is ripped away through sudden death, it shatters you.
For me?
The only hope I had was for my dad to accept his pancreatic cancer (which had already spread to his liver and lungs by the time of diagnoses) and that his pain would be short lived.
Why?
Because I know that he would rather die a thousand deaths than watch himself diminish and become a mere shadow of the man he was. Weak. Unable to Move. Diapers. 24/7 Care. On morphine. Unable to express his thoughts while being haunted – daily – by the living grief reflected in our eyes as we look upon him with ONLY sadness in our eyes as his imminent death lingers on our hearts and minds.
Acceptance for me. No healing required. The void is not one that can ever be filled or fixed.
Thank you for always keeping it real dad, your silent presence is missed.
Dad, your heaven is in our hearts. xoxo
My dad was diagnosed, unexpectedly, with stage 4 pancreatic cancer on 16th May 2017. He died 12 days later, there was no battle, only dignified acceptance.
Finding My Voice, A Father’s Love
12 Day Later . . . Pancreatic Cancer
I agree about acceptance. I have watched people close to me, suffer a loss but to date have not accepted it…it’s sad, life must go on. Acceptance is key
I’m glad to hear you have this approach and I’m sure your dad wouldn’t want it any other way
I can’t imagine what it must be like to go through life without acceptance, especially when it comes to death. We are however all so different and everyone experiences life and death in their own unique ways, it is so subjective . . .
Thank you for visiting 🙂
I prefer the Buddhist concept that there is no death, only Transformation…he is still with you 🙂
Yes, he is everywhere I am as he is a part of who I am.
My Dad passed away from pancreatic cancer in November 2012. He fought for 8 months. My heart goes out to you, We will always be Daddy’s girl ❤️
I am so sorry to read that you too have experienced pacreatic cancer and the loss of your dad. Yes, always in our hearts!
I always wrestle with this. I think I used to be really sad that I never had any warning, no chance to say goodbye. But would I have wanted my dad ill, in pain, dependent on others? I don’t think so. It must be so hard to watch. In your case, you were relieved your dad’s suffering was over.
It’s such a mature and realistic way of dealing with the grief. TO kind of put your own feelings about it aside. I am so sorry for your loss. I am so glad you dad didn’t suffer for too long.
I am so sorry, I cannot begin to imagine what you must have gone through (are still going through) with the sudden loss of your father. Our response to death can be quite unpredictable, grieving is such a unique emotional process, there is on right way to ever mourn the loss of another person, especially one that you loved most dearly.
Xoxo