I’m single. Have not been in a meaningful relationship for almost ten years; and I’ve been basking in the fierce confidence and independence that comes with this much frowned upon relationship status as a mother.
Now, don’t get me wrong – I’m not some “kloosterkoek” who is eager to grow old while having cats rub themselves up around my ankles and freaky crap like that. No. I have a relationship spec, a list of requirements; requirements that I am not prepared to compromise on.
I’m in my 30’s and I’ve only had two meaningful relationships.
The one relationship was with a DJ. He opened my world to the trans scene – and oh the stories I can tell about these rebellious years. Watching people trip out of their minds, higher than kites, having the most intriguing and deep conversations – ONLY to have them not recognise you the next day or remember anything you spoke about.
The other was with a surfer – constantly chasing the stoke of the next best wave. I loved the sense of freedom, and exhilaration as everyone around me was constantly caught up in the stoke of the ocean. This scene in itself has its own subtle politics that comes with the territorial nature of the inner clicks, even though everyone seems to know everyone! Here, life revolved around the tides, wind direction and the crowd!
These experiences, allowed me to find the inner-me. I learnt to recognise the “fake” gems, and came to appreciate that I was always the outsider looking in, able to adapt and blend in without being influenced by the negatives; the drugs.
I’ve seen it all. Few things in this life surprises me. I’ve partied hard, and I’ve cried even harder. Nothing makes you realise just how exclusive certain circles are, until you no longer belong, and you walk away.
These relationships pulled me into a world that I would otherwise never had known existed. It exposed me to such diversity in people, attitudes, believes and strange relationships; that I now, without a doubt, know exactly what it is that I want and am not prepared to compromise on.
So, yes, I’m single and I love it! And yes, being single, can at times, be a lonely place to be. But flip-it, loneliness is not enough of a reason to compromise ME! I love who I am, I love that I am strong willed, and whilst I may not love the fact that I’ve put on 25 kg during this time, I still love who I am!
Being single is not the end of the world ladies and gentlemen. Enjoy it, find yourself, love yourself, and DO NOT compromise yourself for the sake of a relationship. What is in a status after all? Jack shit! Don’t compromise YOURSELF!
Love it Chev! Confidence is everyting
Thanks Cat 🙂
Love that you don’t need another to complete you, such a positive mindset
Thanks Sula. My believe is that a relationship should not be to complete, but rather to complement who I am 🙂
Way to go Chev. Love the attitude ☺
I love that I can write this about who I am – it is so fulfilling 🙂
Love the fact that you love yourself. Confidence is the key to unlocking true happiness. A man does not make you happy. Nor does singleness. It’s you who makes you happy and a dash of faith and confidence :). I’ve been on both sides (single and couple) and neither is good when I had tons of inner issues to deal with. Life is great when our inner selves is at peace :). Have an amazing YEAR and thanks for inspiring more women xxx
Thank you. I too believe that you create your own happiness; my happiness in life cannot be dependent on others – that is just giving away too much power 🙂
Such an awesome outlook, I only wish that I had read it a few years ago when being single felt like the worst possible thing to be
Venean, I hear you. I also think that being single can be a lonely place to be when you are surrounded by couples all the time.
This is great. I hope your voice reaches those who need this refreshment and empowerment.
Can I just be a slight devil’s advocate? I’m sorry, my inner rebel can’t help herself.
Just to say: it’s not either/or with being your own person and being complete by someone else. Same as for a parent-child relationship. If your purpose is to love someone in the way that’s best for them, whatever you give to them is not giving up on being yourself at all. In fact, it only makes you a better parent/lover.
Advocate away. I agree, giving of yourself to someone is not giving up on yourself, and yes, you can love someone in a way that is best for them without changing who you are – parenting is a very good example of this.
I believe in love and this is why I am not prepared to negotiate (compromise) on my needs and what it is that I am looking for in a relationship. I know in love there is an infinite beauty that can also debilitate when your security, confidence and self-worth is dependent on another.